Dear Sasuke,
by Kiriari
Summary: A sort of letter to Sasuke from someone who loved him. Not a letter from an OC... Written before chap 590/episode 339 when we learn... things.


Dear Sasuke,

I'm sorry I wasn't there for your life, as a child and a teenager. I would have given anything to watch you grow and to give you the love you so desperately deserved. To give you precious tomatoes when you craved them. You were my darling sunshine on any day, and it is unfair that fate would take me from you so early. You were too young to have seen so many die around you. To not live with a loving mother and a caring father. To not have your brother, whom you looked up to so greatly. I think you would have made a wonderful Leaf ninja, no matter what they did to the Uchiha clan.

It pains me, to not have been able to do a thing to stop you, Sasuke, from leaving the village. Searching out power from a man like Orochimaru was not the way to defeat Itachi. If only you had been able to see me when I watched. When I watched and couldn't do a thing for you. Oh how I begged to come to you, to help you, to love you and make everything alright. But I was unable to do anything for you, Sasuke.

I watched you hurt your friends, your team, and felt terribly disappointed. But at the same time, I knew how much you were influenced, as any child in your situation can be. I think it was cruel the way people treat you in the Leaf. A twelve year old boy, while he may be a ninja, may still be influenced by the things going on around him. The fact that I was to watch from the side and not help to make the right choice still makes the weights all the heavier. I wanted to do something.

When you fought that boy, the kyuubi boy, in the valley, I cried. Oh I cried for you and the boy. You two nearly killed each other, the attacks you used. And when you leaned over his face, and dropped your scratched headband beside him, it was obvious. You had a moment, if only a moment, where that bond was too important to you. Oh I know you will continue to lie to yourself. And there is nothing in your clouded mind that remains clear. You may, or most probably _will_ never see the truth behind your decision.

And those years that went by, as you trained over that snake, I loved you then too. Even though I knew you had betrayed the village that you were born in. Even if you never saw your mistakes and your stupidity. I could never, ever hate you. You trained there, you knew the horrid things done to the inmates, who often had done nothing other than exist. The cruel exterior when inside I knew you could never be happy with yourself. Oh I know you blame your brother, and that is what was just so perfect about the fog settled about your mind. Oh the brilliance of your twisted life, love.

When he came to you in that base, and you told him it was a mere whim that you spared him. It was not true, no matter how much you try to say it. There is something inside you that will never be able to kill your first best friend, and your best rival. Sasuke, I don't know why I can never help you. I can never tell you. You tried to kill them, all of them, and all they want to do is bring you home. It is where you belong, it is your home, and there are people there who remain wanting you. Sasuke, why were you brought up in such a horrible world? Our world is terrible for raising children.

Everything you do, have done, or will do! I will follow you through all of it, and will never be able to do a thing to stop you. So as you gather your team, and do what you were set to do ever since the Uchiha were murdered. Do you know all your choices, while not completely planned out as they occurdered, were set when your brother killed the clan? Did you know, that there were so many other choices for you to kill him? Betraying the Leaf was not the only option. I don't think your father would care though, I knew Fugaku wouldn't mind. He would be proud of you now, because it is so close to the plans he had had when he was living. And as for your mother, well…

She loves you even still. Even through all the wrong choices you have made. Even though you are not the same little boy Mikoto knew, you are still her son. And a mother such as her could never hate her son. And do you know how I know this?

Because I am Mikoto. I am your mom. And I am dead, I am watching, and can do nothing to help you. And it hurts. But I love you. I love you so much, and through all the choices in your life I will love you. I loved Itachi too. Even though he is the one who took my life, he was also my son. And I understand it. I love both of you.

Sasuke… I wish you could know how I feel.

Sasuke… I wish you could see me as I can see you.

But I know it can't happen.

So please, just know somewhere in your heart-

I love you.


End file.
